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Parenting an Only Child: The Joys and Challenges of Raising Your One and Only
by Susan Newman, Ph. D.
I
am an only child. Most likely, my daughter will be an only child.
While choosing to have an only child seems to be gaining more acceptance,
the prevalent view remains: one child is not enough. They'll be all
alone when Mom and Dad are gone. They'll miss out on having those
special sibling relationships. They'll grow up spoiled, never wanting
for anything or learning to share. If you are an only child or are
raising one, you've likely heard these comments or even uttered them
to yourself. So what do you do if, in your heart, you feel that having
an only child is the right thing for your family?
Parenting
an Only Child is a wonderfully reassuring book for people raising
only children or contemplating having just one child. It provides
both support and practical, readily applicable advice to make the
most of raising an only. I jumped at the chance to review this book,
as I wanted to read it from the perspective of someone who is an only
child as well as someone who is choosing to raise an only child.
Dr. Newman's book
is divided into three parts: Considering the Only Child; Parenting
an Only Child; and, Making the Right Decision. The book
is filled with personal quotes and anecdotes collected by Dr. Newman
during the course of her study of single-child families since the
1980's. She explores such ideas as the myths surrounding only children
(only children are shy; only children are antisocial; and my personal
favorite - only children are four-eyed intellectuals and eccentric
child prodigies); the pros and cons of an only child being center
stage; the pressure from others to have more than one child; and the
warning sins of placing too much pressure on your only child.
I particularly
enjoyed the section on dealing with things parents of only children
might hear from well-meaning friends and relatives. The book goes
into a good discussion about such lines as, "You'd better have another
one soon," "He needs a brother or sister," "Give him a playmate,"
and "Two are as easy and almost as cheap as one." And what will your
harshest critics say? "What kind of parents are you to deprive
your child of a sibling?" Dr. Newman's take on the question?
"A shocking
65 percent of college students reported they were on the receiving
end of severe sibling abuse such as kicking, biting, being hit with
a fist, or being choked. The residual effects of childhood sibling
actions spill over into adulthood and negatively impact adults'
feelings of well-being, often in the form of lower self-image."
Does this mean
that all sibling relationships will result in these negative feelings
that carry into adulthood? Of course not. But does having a sibling
guarantee an ideal relationship that is full of love and care? No,
it doesn't. And so parents must look within and listen to their hearts
when it comes to deciding how many children are going to be just right
for their family.
What I like about
Parenting
an Only Child is that it gives plenty of positive food for thought
for people considering, or already raising, an only child. Dr. Newman,
herself the mother of an only child, provides compelling stories and
research to back up the notion that having an only child - and being
an only child - can be very satisfying and normal experiences.
Book review by Jennifer Thompson
To Purchase:
• Parenting an Only Child at Amazon.com
• Parenting an Only Child at Amazon UK
• Parenting an Only Child at Amazon Canada
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